Got problems?

I haven't been "inspired" to blog in a long time. For a while there I was on such a role I thought I would never run out of topics. And then after 5, I did. And I wondered why.

I even almost started to feel guilty! I had so much positive feedback on the blogs I did write, and I felt like I was falling short of the expectation. So, again, I wondered why.

Why did I have so much material at the beginning, and lately...nothing? And I came to a conclusion! I was in pain. I had been carrying around the pain of those first memories with my children, and I hadn't really told anyone how hard it had been. I didn't let anyone see how hard Tyler had to work to become a "normal" and "typical" little boy. I didn't tell anyone how difficult it is to guide an "independent" 4year old. A 4 year old who became independent because she had to be. When you are 1 and you don't have a mom who hugs you when you hurt or feeds you when you are hungry, that independence sprouts out of necessity. And when you are 4 and you have a mom who wants you to brush your teeth and pick up your clothes, that independence tries hard not to take a backseat! Especially since that independence is what kept you alive!

So when I thought about my blogging I realized why I had so much material....at first. I even had a friend from high school tell me directly.... "Your writing is too negative! Hasn't anything good happened in your life?"

And of course it has. But those blogs were my counselor. They were my cries in the night. They were my prayers, my hopes, and my tears. I had to get them out because I'd been keeping them in for so long. Kind of like a Happy New Year! This is your fresh start. Shed your old skin, climb into your new shell, emerge from the coccoon!

I shared those personal and for me, traumatic, events as part of a long process I've undertaken to be the best God wants me to be....and it worked!

Since I've written those entries, I have felt more free! I have felt amazingly close to what God has intended for me. I can think more clearly, make better decisions, play more games with my kids...and lighten up!

So thank you, friends, for listening! Thank you for sharing! Thank you for your loving comments and your own personal revelations that have helped me to make connections I never would have had!

I'm so inspired these days that I've been too busy living to blog! And what a truly great problem to have!